Eternal
by LitaFanForLife
Summary: Buffy finds Angel dying in an alleyway in L.A, and does what she can to save him. Three months later Buffy heads off to find Angel again. On her way, something she didn't expect to happen, did. Something that would change her life, and Angel's forever.
1. Chapter 1

It had been a little more than a year since the last time she saw him. She wished she could rewind, so that she wouldn't be sitting here in a cold, wet, alleyway, with him lying limp in her lap.

She arrived too late to be of any help. Spike was dead. And now she was staring down at Angel, who seemed to be going the same way as Spike.

"Why are you bleeding so much? Why the hell aren't you healing?" Buffy cried. "Angel, get up. Please get up," Buffy repeated.

Buffy was shaking. "Come on Willow. Come on," she muttered, praying that her friend received her message.

Willow and Buffy had been able to communicate with each other, just by thinking, and Buffy had just sent her a desperate message a few minutes earlier. There was nobody around to help Angel, not even a hospital left standing (not that that would do him much good) so Buffy needed her friend, a witch.

Buffy had arrived in L.A. not fifteen minutes ago. She had come to help Angel in the Apocalypse. But she was too late. Everything was gone and destroyed.

"Angel. Listen to me. You need to open your eyes. I need you to look at me... Please don't give up... I haven't seen you in over a year. We haven't even spoken since Sunnydale... You don't get to go. I'm not ready for you to not be here. We never really got to work things out. We didn't get to say everything we wanted to say.

"I don't really know where we stand, if we could really work out again. But I know I still love you, and I need you to live, not just to see if we could be beautiful together again, which I think we could be, but because I need to know that you're still here... What do you need? What can I do to get you up? How can I make you heal? How do I make you strong again?" she sobbed. "You can't leave me, Angel."

It had started raining again, the first drop landing on Buffy's neck, suddenly causing her to come to a realization. Her blood. Give Angel her blood. Her blood made him strong before, brought him back from near death... Maybe it would work again.

"I'm gonna make you better, Angel, just open your eyes please," she begged.

She received no answer. She slapped his face. "Get up!" she yelled, and slapped him again.

Still no response. "You need to be awake. I need you to drink. Get up," she said, practically whispering.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and saw Willow.

"Thank God," Buffy mumbled. "Will, you've got to get him up."

"But-"

"Will, please, no questions. Just get him up. I think I can fix the rest," she said frantically.

"Okay."

Buffy remained quiet while Willow chanted some sort of spell. When she stopped, nothing happened.

"Willow. Why isn't he getting up?" Buffy questioned, nervously.

Willow did not answer her, she only grabbed hold of her hand, and of Angel's.

Before Buffy knew what had happened, all three of them were no longer outside. They were in Willow's apartment in Rome.

Willow brought Angel over to the bed, and finally answered Buffy. "You have to give the spell a bit of time, Buffy. He should be getting up, but I can't guarantee that he'll be awake for long. Buffy, he looks like he's almost dead. I think he's gonna die."

"As long as you can get him up, I'm pretty sure I can guarantee that I'll make him better."

"What are you-" Willow never bothered to finish her sentence, she already knew Buffy's plan. "Your blood," was all she said.

Buffy nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I made him drink from me before, and I'm still standing. I trust him with my life," Buffy said, quietly.

Willow just nodded. "Do you want me to leave for awhile?" she asked awkwardly.

"Yeah. That would probably be best," Buffy admitted.

"Okay," Willow said nervously, walking out the door, and shutting it behind her.

Buffy sat down on the chair beside the bed, and waited in silence.

Angel finally began to stir. Buffy took a deep breath, and let the tears fall down her face.

"Buffy-" Angel whispered.

"It's me," she replied, wiping away her tears.

"You came?"

"I wouldn't leave you to fight the Apocalypse alone. I only found out this morning. I came as soon as I heard... I'm sorry I couldn't have been here sooner. I'm so sorry," she said, taking a seat beside him on the bed.

"I didn't think I was going to see you again... I can go now. Now that you're here. I think I was waiting for you. Now that I've seen your face again, I can go happy."

"There's not going to be any going happening here. There's only going to be you getting strong again."

"I don't think I'm gonna heal from this. You don't need to lie for me, Buffy. I'm serious. You're here, I'll go happy. Just stay with me till I go, won't you?" Angel said, trying to smile.

"I'm staying with you, but you're not gonna die. I'm gonna heal you. I did it before. I can do it again."

"Buffy, not again. I will not drink you again. The last time I could have killed you. You almost died."

"Yet here I stand," she answered.

"Just let me go. I should have died a long time ago."

"No," Buffy said stubbornly, turning to face him.

Angel got up slowly, and tried to walk away.

Buffy started to laugh and cry at the same time. "It's Graduation Day all over again... I won't let you die. I need you to live. And I'm not saying that because I'm ready to get back together with you. I'm saying that because I need to know that no matter what happens with us, that you'll still be around. Even if I leave tomorrow and don't see you again for years, I'll know that you're still here, that you're still with me," she said, getting up, standing in front of him.

"I'll always be with you," he said, taking her hand.

"Drink. Please," she said, tears flowing again.

"No."

"I lost Xander and my sister not even two months ago. One of my best friends and my little sister are dead. I've got Willow and Giles left. I will not lose you," she said, smacking him.

"I'm so sorry about Dawn and Xander," Angel said, completely ignoring her slap, and hugging her close instead, his heart suddenly breaking for her pain.

"Just do it, Angel. I trust you. You won't let me die, so just drink... Don't feel bad. You're not taking advantage, I'm offering... Don't you want to live?.. Don't you want a bit more time with me?" she asked, looking straight into his eyes.

"I do." He so badly wanted more time with her, even if it could only be as friends.

"Here's the solution, then," Buffy said, pulling her shirt off her shoulder, revealing her neck.

Angel saw the scar that was there, the one he had given her when he drank from her on Graduation Day. He touched the scar gently. "Did it hurt a lot?" he asked her quietly, feeling guilty.

"For a second or two, but then it went away quickly... Angel, seriously, we don't have a lot of time. If you don't drink, you will die. So you're either going to drink on your own, or I'm going to kick your ass and make you drink."

Angel didn't move.

"Fine," Buffy mumbled. "You asked for it," she said, punching him hard, not once but four times, finally bringing out the vampire in him.

She looked at him, grabbed his head, and smashed him down into her neck, just as she did all those years ago.

She flinched in pain as he bit into her, grabbing his shoulder, but soon the pain was gone. She was on the bed now, Angel over her... She remembered feeling like this the last time. As she felt the transfer of blood between herself and Angel, she started to drift into a state of real peace and relaxation, bliss even, like all the pain was going away... She was getting tired now. Ready to sleep. The energy left her body now, she gave in, and closed her eyes.

Angel felt Buffy go limp, and this brought him back. He got off of her quickly. He felt strong again... He looked at her neck, and it was stained with blood.

"Buffy," he said, scared.

She didn't answer.

He didn't know where they were exactly, but he would find a hospital. He slid his arms underneath her, and was about to pick her up.

"I don't need a hospital. I just want to lie down, Angel. A little rest and I'll be fine," she said, barely managing a whisper.

Angel sighed in relief, getting up.

"Where are you going?" Buffy whispered.

"I'll be right back. I'm not leaving. I want to find a cloth... to clean up your- neck."

"Willow has some in the closet near the front door," Buffy told him quietly.

"We're at Willow's? We're in Rome?" Angel asked.

"Yeah-"

"You know what, tell me later. I just want to get you cleaned up and rested first ."

"No arguments from me," she said, closing her eyes.

Angel found the cloths and a bowl he filled with warm water. He came back in the room, and sat next to Buffy. She was already sleeping. He dipped one of the cloths into the warm water and put it on her neck, cleaning away most of the blood.

He felt sick with himself. What a disgusting creature he was. To have to drink her blood to live, it was wrong. Why do you even care about me, Buffy? I know why I love you, but I'll never understand why you still care about me, why you ever did... Thank you," he whispered, putting a new cloth on her neck.


	2. Chapter 2

oooooooooo Here's the second chapter. Hope you enjoyed the first one. Let me know what you think of this one. I love reviews!

Angel left Buffy's bedside to look for another blanket for her.

He collided with someone as he walked through the door.

"Willow... Hi," he said quietly.

"Hey," she replied. "She made you better again, huh?" she asked, not unkindly.

"Yeah... Listen, I know you must hate me right now. Umm-" Angel didn't really know what

to say to Willow.

"Come here, you idiot," Willow said, signalling Angel to come in for a hug.

Angel complied, relieved, and slightly confused.

"I don't hate you... I admit, when she let you drink her on Graduation Day, I was mad for

awhile. I mean, I was pissed at you for doing something that could have killed her. But I

thought some more, and I realized no matter how much I worry or care, it's not something I

could judge... If it was some strange evil thing, then you bet I would make it my business.

But it was you then, and it's you now. You're not evil or strange. She loved you then and

she still

loves you. And I know that you love her. She won't let you die if there's anyway she can

help you. You needed her blood to live and she gave it to you willingly. It's not something

that you took from her. She did it for you... If I'm being honest, if I was ever in a position

like that, I'm pretty sure I would have done the same for Oz or Tara. If there is anything I

could have done to keep Dawn and Xa- Xander alive... You fought your nature by stopping

yourself from draining her. That's love, Angel. I know that. I'm not going to judge."

"Thanks," Angel mumbled. "You may be able to forgive me and not make judgement, but I

can't stand myself, Willow... I said that it would never happen again, and yet I did it again

tonight. I could have killed her."

"But you didn't. You wouldn't. I think you know that. She literally trusts you with her life.

You love her too much to hurt her that way. I really do get that now, that's why I actually

agreed on not being here when it happened."

"Willow, I should have just died. I was _ready_ to die. She was with me, and I got the last

look at her face that I wanted, _needed_, to be able to die without a fight, peacefully. But

then-"

Willow smiled sadly. "She had to open her big mouth and make you want to stay."

Angel nodded his head.

"That doesn't make you bad, Angel. That just means you didn't want to be without her...

Anyway, what were you looking for?"

"Oh, I wanted to find another blanket for Buffy. She looks cold," he said.

"Go sit with her," Willow told him. "I'll get a blanket."

"Okay," he answered, going back to sit by Buffy.

Willow arrived in the room a moment later, covering Buffy up with the extra blanket.

Angel got up, ready to let Willow take his seat.

"No need to be all gentleman like," Willow smiled, signalling Angel to sit back down,

conjuring herself up a chair out of thin air.

Angel and Willow were quiet for a few moments.

"I'm sorry about Dawn and Xander," Angel said quietly. "Buffy told me."

"Thanks," Willow said, attempting a smile. "It's crazy not having them here, especially

Xander. He's been my best friend, my Xander, since before kindergarten. He was my rock,

and now he's gone," Willow said, tears now streaming down her face. She quickly wiped

them away. "I'm not gonna have any more of my friends die, so I'm glad Buffy did what she

did for you. No more damn dying in our circle... Tell me, big guy," Willow said, changing

the subject, "What are you going to do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Buffy."

"Oh, yeah... If you're asking do I want to be with Buffy, the answer would most definitely be

a yes, she knows it too. I made myself pretty clear last year in Sunnydale on that. If you're

asking me if I'm going to stay here in Rome forever, the answer would be no."

"But-"

"Before you start lecturing me, let me just make some things clear, okay?"

"Okay," Willow said.

"I'm going to stay here for a few days, if you don't mind."

"Of course you can stay," Willow told Angel.

"I'm gonna stay and make sure she's okay. Just spend some time with her, and then I'm

going to go... Before you start the rant, I'm going to tell you I'm not leaving because I think

she'll be better off without me. I already learned that lesson. I'm not going to try to make

decisions for her."

"Okay then, Angel. Why are you gonna leave?"

"I'm gonna leave because I _know_ she's not ready to be with me."

"She loves you, Angel. She was so scared that you were gonna die, she couldn't stand it."

"I know she still loves me, and I'm damn lucky for that. But you just said it, she was scared

that I was gonna die...I'm not going to stay and make her feel like she has to be with me

because all the old feelings came rushing back when she thought she was gonna lose me

forever, lose the _possibility_ that one day me and her could actually work again. She needs

to know absolutely on her own, perfectly clearly, if she actually wants to be with me again,

or if she just wants to treasure what we had and move on as friends."

Willow looked at Angel in awe. "Could you live with that? Seeing her on a regular basis, just

being friends with her, when you'll always want more than that?"

"I don't matter Willow. I don't care about me. Yeah, I'll always want her, but all I care about

is what she wants, what's going to make her happy... I stopped thinking about most things

that I want awhile ago. Cordy died, Fred died, Wes, Gunn and Spike died today... My son is

gone too."

Willow's jaw dropped a little bit. "I'm _so_ sorry, Angel... I-"

Angel tried to shake it off. "Thanks... I'm just saying almost everyone I cared about in one

way or another is gone now. I don't have much left, Willow. And what I do have, I'm going

to hold on to for dear life. I'm not going to be selfish. You matter to me and Buffy matters

to me. I'm going to give Buffy what she needs, whatever that is, because I can't be here,

alive, and lose her. I'll take whatever I can get."

"Angel, Angel," Willow sighed. "Why couldn't we all just have a peaceful, normal life? None

of this Apocalypse, and losing almost everyone you've ever cared about crap?"

"Damned if I know," he replied.

"I've got to head out. I'm supposed to meet up with Oz in Tibet. Said he could use my help

over there. Tell Buffy that for me, even though it's not really necessary. Me and Buffy can

talk without actually talking."

"Like telepathy?"

"Yeah kind of."

"Does it work with everyone?" Angel asked.

"No... Do me a favour, say my name in your head and think of something."

"Okay," Angel said awkwardly.

Willow grinned. "It works with you, though."

"You knew what I was thinking?"

"Yeah. It's hard to explain I guess, but basically if you want me to hear something, I can...

Like today, when Buffy found you, she sent me a message, she wanted my help... If you

ever need anything, I'm only a thought away."

"Convenient," Angel laughed.

"I'll be seeing you, Angel. I mean it, you come by and see us sometimes, okay?"

"I promise," Angel said.

Willow planted a kiss on Buffy's forehead, then gave Angel a quick hug.

"Bye."


	3. Chapter 3

oooooooooooooooo Here's the third chapter. Review and enjoy!

"Mmm, this is good, Angel. You can actually cook," Buffy complimented.

"Thanks," Angel laughed.

They were both sitting at Willow's kitchen table, eating. They had already talked about

Angel's son and crew dying and about Dawn and Xander. They were both caught up on each

other's lives... Now they were just enjoying some good food.

"Thanks for staying," Buffy said quietly.

"Thanks for saving me," Angel said back.

She gave him a small smile and shrugged.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I've got this feeling that you're not sticking around.

When are you leaving?"

"Another day or two. I'm gonna hang out here with you for a bit and then I'm gonna go,"

Angel said.

"Where?" Buffy asked.

"Not sure yet. I'll send you a postcard from wherever I end up. How about that?"

"Alright then, I'll be expecting a postcard. I mean it, Angel. I'll be wanting to know what

you're up to, want to know that you're okay. You're not leaving completely this time."

"You'll hear from me," he told her.

"Good," she answered. "You'll give me something other than training all those new Slayers

to think about once in awhile."

"I actually saw some of them," Angel said.

"Yeah?" Buffy asked.

"When you were in the shower last night I took a quick walk. I caught a glimpse of Giles

and your girls in that fortress of yours."

"And... What do you think of them? I haven't met these girls yet. Giles has been training

them like crazy though."

"No offence to them, they seem to be tough enough. But these new Slayers have nothing

on you."

Buffy grinned. "Is it bad that that makes me just a little bit happy?" Buffy asked.

Angel just laughed at her.

This was the first time in a long time, that Buffy and Angel felt truly at ease and comfortable

in each other's presence. It was nice, and it was greatly missed.

"Sun's down. You wanna take a walk with me?" Buffy asked.

"That would be nice," Angel replied.

Buffy grabbed a sweater. "Let's go," she said. "There's a place I want to show you."

They walked for about 20 minutes, before Buffy finally stopped.

"I guess it's kind of creepy when you think about it. But I think it's kind of beautiful. Really

peaceful too, when I'm not staking things that lurk in the area."

Essentially Buffy had brought Angel to a small cemetery. What set it apart from every other

one that either of them had ever seen, was the gigantic tree that formed sort of a roof over

the headstones and the two swings that hung from that tree.

"I haven't brought anyone else here, haven't even told them about it, but I wanted you to

see it, to share it with me," Buffy said, grabbing his hand, pulling him to the swings.

"It is actually pretty beautiful," Angel admitted. "And quite fitting, too."

Buffy knew what he meant. The swing in the cemetery. In a sense it was like playing with

death. Her calling. Her life.

"Get on the swing, Angel," Buffy laughed. "Come swing with me. I won't tell," she smiled.

Angel looked at her and felt a great happiness. She was smiling, a real smile. She was

happy, and honestly, at this point, just looking at her face, he would do anything she

wanted.

Angel joined Buffy on the swing next to hers.

The swing in the cemetery. Playing with death. This was how she lived and this was how she

loved.

"I'm really glad that you're here with me right now. I've missed you, Angel... I heard

you and Willow talking, I think... I was kind of drifting in and out of sleep, but I'm sure I

heard you. Thank you for saying what you said... To re-use my stupid quote from last year,

'I'm not cookies yet.' I don't know when I'll be ready. But what I _do_ know, and what I want

you to know is that whatever does or doesn't happen with us in the future, I will _always_ love

you. I really will."

Angel gave her a smile. "Ditto."

"This is weird," Buffy blurted out.

"I was feeling pretty comfortable, actually," Angel answered.

"No, that's what I mean. It's weird that this isn't weird... It's nice," she laughed.

Angel nodded his head. "It is," he agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

oooooooooooo Here's the new chapter. Hope you like it. Let me know.

"Will, I swear these girls are driving me nuts," Buffy complained to her friend.

"Buffy, Buffy," Willow laughed.

"I don't know how Giles isn't going mental," Buffy said. "Well actually, it's probably because

he isn't spending almost every waking minute with them," Buffy muttered.

"It's smile time Buffy," Willow grinned. "Faith is gonna take over for awhile. You'll be free as

of tonight. She'll be here soon. You've only got a few hours left," Willow teasingly consoled

her friend.

"I know I must sound like a whiny bitch but this group of Slayers just doesn't seem to

understand anything, and they're kind of wimpy."

"Alright blondie, I think I've got something that might make you shut up about the less than

stellar new crop of slayers," Willow said, passing Buffy something from the pile of mail on

the table.

Buffy's frown vanished, and was replaced with a grin. "He actually kept his promise. It's

been three damn months, but Angel actually kept his promise," Buffy said, passing the

postcard back to Willow.

"He's in Ireland," Willow said.

"I'll bet he's in Galway," Buffy said, taking the postcard back.

"So Buffy, what are you gonna do now that Faith will be coming to take over for you for

awhile?" Willow asked.

"I think I'm going to sleep for a couple days. I'm beat," Buffy said.

"So, you're gonna come right back here, just take a nice long nap?" Willow asked with a

grin.

"Yes, that's right," Buffy said with a smile, knowing what her friend was getting at.

"Uh huh," Willow said, sarcastically.

"Look at the time. I'd better go. My Super Slayers are due for some more training," Buffy

said, picking up her jacket.

"Hug," Willow reminded.

Buffy walked over and squeezed Willow in a tight hug.

"Love you, witchy one," Buffy told her.

"Love you too, bitchy one," Willow answered.

Buffy stuck out her tongue and left the apartment.

Buffy walked the ten minutes to "The Fortress" in the dark with a spring in her step.

"Three and a half hours and I'm free," Buffy said cheerily, finally walking through the

fortress doors.

Little did Buffy know, someone was lurking in the dark, eagerly awaiting the Slayer's

next move.

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"You don't even know how happy I am to see you, Faith," Buffy said happily, as the

brunette approached.

"Damn B, that's got to be the nicest greeting I've ever received from you," Faith grinned.

"These girls are yours for the next two weeks. Have fun! You can stay here if you want, or

you're welcome to stay at the apartment," Buffy said, throwing her a key. "Will's probably

not going to be there for a week."

"What about you?" Faith asked.

"I'm still not sure. I'm gonna go back to the apartment and get some sleep. Tomorrow, who

knows, I might just take myself a trip."

"Cool," Faith responded. "I might squat at the apartment tonight."

"Let yourself in with the key. If you're hungry, the fridge is fully stocked. I don't know if I'll

see you or not tomorrow. If I don't, you'll see me in a couple weeks."

"These girls must suck if you're this happy to be off for only a couple weeks," Faith laughed.

"Thank God that there's no Apocalypse in the foreseeable future. I feel mean for saying it,

but yeah, overall they do kinda suck. I hope they'll get better with time, for their own

sakes. Maybe you'll be able to do better with them than I did. Have fun."

"I'm sure I will," Faith said sarcastically. "Bye B."

"See ya, Faith," Buffy said, hurrying out the door.

"Sleep, sleep, here I come," Buffy said, stifling a yawn, heading back home.

Buffy heard a noise coming from behind the bush. She stopped, and so did the noise. She

kept walking, and the noise resumed.

She stopped, whipped out her stake, and grabbed inside the bush, pulling out a teenage

boy.

"Why the hell are you following me?" she questioned angrily.

"You're pretty," he said.

"So you're not evil, you're just a junior stalker/pervert. Still, you've got to have a better

reason than that," Buffy said impatiently.

"Sorry, I didn't mean I was following you because you're pretty... I actually need a favour."

"Okay, who are you and why would I do you a favour?"

"I was a friend of Dawn's from school," the boy said.

Buffy softened. "What do you need?"

"I'm really sorry about your sister," he said.

"Thank you," Buffy responded. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"I did something pretty stupid. I was here with a group of friends, and they kind of pissed

me off, so I walked off and got myself lost. I remembered Dawn saying that you guys lived

around this area. I wanted to make sure it was actually you before I said anything, so that's

why I was following... To get to the point I need a place to stay tonight, I was hoping you

could help me out. My friends will come get me in the morning. Could I crash at your place,

just till morning?" the boy asked.

Buffy was a bit iffy, but he was Dawn's friend, and the kid needed a place to stay.

"You can stay for tonight, as long as they come to get you tomorrow. What's your name,

kid?"

"Dan."

"Alright Dan, follow me," Buffy said, leading him to her apartment.

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"He's in," said a male voice, to a large group of individuals.

"We'll have the Slayer soon, and then off to Ireland we'll head. We'll kill two birds with one

stone."


	5. Chapter 5

oooooooooooo Here's the fifth chapter. Review and enjoy!

"You hungry, kid?" Buffy asked. "I've got some pizza I could warm up for you in the fridge."

"That would be nice. Thanks," he said, sitting down at the table in the kitchen.

"Cool," the kid said, looking at the postcard. "Ireland. I've always wanted to go there."

"Someone I know is there," Buffy said, taking the postcard back.

"Boyfriend someone?" Dan asked.

"That's not your business, kid. Eat," Buffy said, passing him a plate of pizza.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's okay," Buffy said with a bit of a smile. "He's not a boyfriend. But he's a very important

someone to me."

"Well he's lucky to have you consider him important."

"Alright Dan, enough with the flattery, stuff your face, so I can go to bed."

Dan started wolfing down the pizza. "Are you gonna go see this guy in Ireland?" Dan asked

between bites of pizza.

"Goodnight Dan," Buffy said, throwing a blanket onto the couch, walking to her room, and

closing the door.

She undressed and threw a t-shirt and shorts on, getting into bed.

She looked at the postcard and sighed. "Oh Angel, Angel. I think I'm ready for you... I _know_

I'm ready for you... Okay, I guess I'm going Ireland," she laughed to herself.

Buffy turned over and picked up the phone, calling Faith at the fortress. "Hey Faith, there's

a kid squatting on the couch tonight, so don't be freaked when you get in. Do me a favour

and tell Giles that I'm gonna be leaving the country tomorrow, but I'll be back in a couple of

weeks."

"Alrighty B."

"Night."

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It was the next morning. Buffy was in the kitchen, making pancakes.

"That smells good," Dan said.

"Come here and watch the pancakes. Don't let them burn. I've got to pack a couple things

up," she told him.

Dan came over to the stove, and Buffy went back to her room. She gathered up some

clothes and weapons and threw those into a bag. She closed her door and walked back into

the kitchen.

"I didn't burn your pancakes, see," Dan joked.

"Good," Buffy said. "Grab a couple plates and come eat with me."

"So, I see a bag. Does that mean you're taking a little trip? Ireland maybe?" he asked with

a grin.

"Yes," Buffy said simply.

"Cool," Dan said. "I hope you find your guy."

"Thank you," Buffy replied, putting a couple pancakes on his plate.

"Thanks for letting me stay here by the way. I see where Dawn got her kindness from."

Buffy gave him a sad smile.

Dan sat down at the table and gulped down the pancakes pretty quickly.

Buffy ate standing up near the window. "I think your friends are here," she said, pointing

out the window.

Dan came over to check. "Yep, that would be them," he said.

"It was nice to meet you Dan."

"You too, and thanks again," he said, heading out the door.

Buffy finished her pancakes, washed the plates, and left a couple pancakes for Faith.

"Faith," Buffy yelled.

"What?" she mumbled.

"Whenever the hell you wake up, there's a couple pancakes for you."

"Thanks."

"Go back to sleep. I'm gonna head out. I'll see you in a couple weeks."

"Mmm hmmm," Faith mumbled sleepily.

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"Okay, I did what you wanted. Can I go now?" Dan asked, nervously.

"What did she say to you?" a large group of men asked.

"Well, I told her that I knew her sister like you said, and she let me stay with her... She had

a postcard from a guy named Angel, I think. He's in Ireland... I asked her if it was her

boyfriend, but she didn't really answer. She said he was important to her. Whatever he is to

her, she's going to look for him in Ireland. She's leaving today. That's all she said. Can I go

now, please? You aid you wouldn't bite me if I did what you asked."

"You can go boy," said an older looking man, who's face was suddenly morphing into

something a lot more scary, with fangs.

Dan ran off quickly.

This older looking man/vamp turned around to face his group, which consisted of 12 others.

"This is better than I hoped. We're not going to have to lure the Slayer to Galway after all.

All we need to do now is follow her carefully. We'll get her when we get there, and then

we'll make sure Angel finds her... Ah revenge will be sweet."

"Um, Edward, no disrespect intended, but why exactly do we want revenge on the Slayer

and Angel?"

"You don't need to know the details, but let's just say they took something precious from

Me, and now I'm going to make them pay. I want to see the look on Angel's face when

we're done with the girl."

000000000000000000000000000000000

Buffy arrived at the airport and headed to the desk.

"I'd like to buy a ticket to Ireland please."

"Where exactly?"

"Galway?"

"We have no direct flight there, but I can give you a ticket that would take you close

enough. You would just need to get a ride. It would only take about an hour."

"Okay then, that's the ticket I want," Buffy said.


	6. Chapter 6

oooooooo Let me know what you think!

A number of hours later, Buffy found herself walking down a quiet street in Galway, Ireland.

What she had seen so far was really beautiful. While the sightseeing and exploring was all

well and good, Buffy couldn't help but feel a little bit dumb. She was all excited about seeing

Angel and telling him that she was ready, that she wanted to be with him again, she forgot

that she didn't know exactly where he would be. All she knew for sure was that he was in

Ireland, she assumed Galway specifically, but she didn't have anything solid to go on.

Buffy laughed to herself, "Only I would end up doing something like this."

"Do you need some help, miss?" an old lady asked.

"Is it that obvious?" Buffy said, embarrassed.

"Where exactly are you trying to get to?"

"This is going to sound really stupid. I'm not exactly sure where I want to go... I came here

to see someone, but I didn't really think it through. I don't know where he is. All I have is

this postcard," she said, showing the old woman.

"I could tell you where that place is if you'd like?"

"You know this place?" Buffy said happily, relieved.

"It's not very far from here, actually. Maybe that's where your friend is. That's all the help I

think I can give you."

"Anything is appreciated," Buffy said.

"Go through the alleyway straight ahead. Turn right and then keep walking for about twenty

minutes. You'll know when you get there. It's hard to miss."

"Thanks a lot," Buffy said appreciatively, and started on her way.

A smile spread across Buffy's face after about fifteen minutes of walking. She didn't see

Angel yet, but she could feel him. Buffy didn't know how to explain it, but she could feel

him when he was close by, even without seeing him.

At least she was on the right track now. All was well, or so she thought.

She walked for another five minutes, and was extremely pissed off at what she found

waiting for her.

"Hey there, Slayer."

"Who the hell are you, and what do you want?" Buffy asked angrily.

"Let's just say you and your vamp lover boy ruined one of our lives. Now we're going to ruin

yours."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Buffy asked stubbornly.

"This will help," one said, turning vamp on her, while another fifteen individuals did the

same thing.

"Alright boys, let's get this over with. I've got places to be," Buffy said impatiently, pulling

out her stake.

"You're a cocky one," the youngest vampire said.

Buffy lunged at the vamp and staked him with ease.

"Who's next?" she asked sarcastically.

Another two came forward, lunging at her this time, ending up the same way their friend

did, dust.

The remaining twelve vampires got smart and came at her together.

Buffy was strong, but she knew she wasn't prepared to take on all twelve of them on her

Own. Buffy turned around and was ready to make a run for it, but had nowhere to run, she

was boxed in, there were another ten vamps behind her.

22 vampires against one Slayer. This was going to end badly.

Buffy grabbed another stake from her bag, holding one in each hand now. She did the only

thing she could, staking anything that got close enough to her.

She fought, but it was impossible, there were too many of them and only one of her.

She felt fangs break through the skin of her neck, she tried to stake whoever had done it,

but she couldn't .

"Nooo!" She screamed in agony. She was being drained.

She was losing her strength, she couldn't fight anymore. She was getting very sleepy.

"Buffy!"

Buffy opened her eyes. "Angel," she managed to whisper, before having a bloody wrist

shoved into her mouth.

What the hell was going on? Buffy was fading fast with the taste of blood in her mouth.

The last thing she saw, was Angel lunging at the big group of vamps, taking out as many as

he could.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Angel didn't have to fight for long, most of the vamps just scattered off laughing. Leaving

Buffy lying bloody on the ground.

"No. No. No!" Angel yelled. Buffy wasn't breathing. "What did they do to you?"

He ran his hand across her face.

"Willow," he said suddenly.

He closed his eyes and begged that the telepathy thing would work, sending a desperate

message to Willow.

Angel got a sick feeling in his stomach, looking down at Buffy's face for a second time.

There was blood on her lips.

"No," Angel said, through clenched teeth. He was crying.

He held one of her limp hands in his, and with the other, he gently moved her shirt aside.

She had a whole new set of bloody bite marks, on the opposite side of her neck as Angel's.

Angel kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, I didn't get here sooner," he said, picking her up.

"Angel."

He turned around, with Buffy in his arms, to face Willow.

"What happened?" Willow asked, frightened, tears immediately rolling down her eyes.

"She's dead. Umm..."

"What?"

"I think they turned her," Angel whispered.

Willow's eyes widened. "How do you know?"

"There's a set of bite marks on her neck that aren't mine. It's really bloody... And there's

blood on her lips and in her mouth."

"No way... She's the Slayer, you know, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She can't be Buffy the

Vampire. Oh my God. Oh my God," Willow said, breathing heavily.

"I need you to do something," Angel said quietly.

"What?"

"Follow me," he said.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Willow, Angel, and the lifeless Buffy were all inside a cabin that Angel had rented.

"I can't kill her Willow, and I know you can't either. When she rises she's gonna want blood,

and I don't mean animal blood... She'll probably go on a killing spree if we don't stop her."

"And how do we stop her?"

"You ensoul her," Angel said. "It won't be agony for her, because we won't give her the

chance to hurt anyone. She won't have haunting memories... She'll still be Buffy, just

different," Angel said sadly.

"Okay," Willow mumbled. "We ensoul her," she said, wiping her tears. "I need to get the

Book. I'll be back soon," Willow said, popping out of the room.

Angel couldn't look at Buffy like that anymore. There was too much blood. He needed to

clean her up. He grabbed some cloths and warm water, and proceeded to wash the red

away, wash the pain and tragedy away.


	7. Chapter 7

oooooooo Review and enjoy!

"Willow. Where the hell are you?" Angel mumbled worriedly.

It had been hours since Willow left to get the book, and she still wasn't back yet. Buffy

was gonna rise soon.

Angel waited another few minutes, and then gave up. "I hope you're okay, Will," Angel said

to himself.

Angel shut his eyes and began to think. He was just going to have to stop Buffy himself

until Willow could show up.

Angel was pretty sure that Buffy was going to be stronger than other vampires, because of

the Slayer strength she already possessed. But he should be able to take her because she

would only be a newborn, not knowing her full strength, not yet possessing it.

He couldn't believe he was actually thinking these things. Buffy couldn't become a vampire.

It was so wrong. She was too good to become a creature like him. She deserved the light.

She didn't deserve the restriction of darkness. She didn't deserve the need for blood. They

took her blood and they took her life. They had made it hurt. It was evident by all the

blood. There had been so much. They made her suffer. He wanted to find the vamps that

did it and kill them one by one. They had ganged up on her. So many of them against her.

It wasn't fair... He should have got there sooner. Angel had felt her before he found her. He

wished he would have set out to find her sooner. If he was there, Buffy and himself might

have been able to fight them off together... Why was Buffy here in the first place?

Angel was brought out of his thoughts when he saw Buffy move.

"Oh God," he said quietly.

Buffy sat up slowly, looking a bit confused. Her eyes were wide. She looked at her hands,

and then began to look around the room. Her eyes finally found Angel.

"Angel," she said, sounding relieved, sounding like normal Buffy.

"Buffy," Angel said uneasily.

"What happened?" she asked him quietly, walking over to him.

"You don't remember?" he asked her nervously.

That was when the old Buffy vanished. Her eyes changed and a wicked smile spread across

her face.

"Oh, I remember now... I'm hungry, but I feel good... Do I look good, lover?" she asked

with a grin, running her finger up and down his arm.

"You always look good," he said in an even voice.

"Don't be so tense, lover. It's still little old Buffy. I'm still me," she teased. "You still can't

take your eyes off me."

Angel didn't answer.

"You know, I expected you to be happier. I'm not dead in the ground. I'm here. I'm right in

front of you, and I can't even get a smile. What happened to you wanting to be with me?"

she asked, sounding different, less cold and more vulnerable.

"I never stopped wanting that."

"I'm hungry," she said quickly, changing the subject, and turning to leave.

"You know I won't let you hurt anyone," Angel said, blocking the door.

"You'll try not to let me. But I'll get what I want," she said, the coldness and edge back in

her voice, shoving him.

He wouldn't budge.

"Move!" she yelled, morphing into vamp face.

This was enough to shock Angel momentarily, and gave Buffy the opportunity to shove him

out of the way, and run out the door.

She was fast. As soon as Angel got up, she was gone.

He had to find her. Luckily he could still follow her scent.

Angel ran out of the cabin and after Buffy.

It didn't take long for Angel to find Buffy. She was with a little boy. She was quickly

approaching the child. She looked wild.

"Hey kid," she said.

"Are you okay?" the boy asked, actually looking concerned.

Buffy moved closer, and Angel was ready to lunge. She seemed dazed, unaware that Angel

was there.

Buffy did something very unexpected, she backed away from the child. "Run," she told him.

"But-"

"Kid, if you know what's good for you, just run. NOW," she said, beginning to shake.

The kid did as he was told and ran like his life depended on it.

The child ran, and then Buffy put her head in her hands. "I need to eat," she mumbled over

and over again.

Angel didn't move. What was happening to her? Why didn't she attack the kid? It was like

she was fighting herself... That was it. She was fighting the vamp urges. She was trying to

retain her own qualities. Her own ideas. Her feelings... That would explain the changes in

her attitude back at the cabin. It had to be her Slayer blood putting up a fight. "Good girl,"

Angel whispered. "You keep fighting till Willow gets here."

Buffy let out a primal scream, and got up and began to run again.

"Willow. Get over here, please," Angel begged, as he took off after Buffy again.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Buffy mumbled, as she pummelled a middle-aged man. "I can't help

it... So hungry," she said, pushing the man's shirt aside, and sinking her teeth into his neck.

Angel ran at her, and broke the hold she had on the man.

As soon as he was free the man ran for his life.

Angel stood in front of Buffy. She had blood all over her mouth.

"What?" she yelled at him, still in vamp face. "I'm a _vampire_ now, remember. This is what

we do. We drink. We live," she hissed.

Angel just stared at her. This wasn't Buffy. This was wrong.

"Don't look at me like that, Angel," she said shakily. "Please," she said softly, as if she was

begging forgiveness now. This was his Buffy.

Her lips were soaked. She wiped her hand across her lips, and then looked down at it. Her

eyes widened, as if just realizing what she had done. "Oh my God," she mumbled.

"No. No. No," she yelled, grabbing her hair.

"Make it go away, Angel," she whispered, trying to rub the blood off, onto her clothes.

Angel's heart was breaking for her. "Come back to the cabin with me, and I'll help you," he

told her.

"But I need more, Angel. I'm so hungry. It _hurts_."

"I know it does," he told her. "But you need to come back with me. I'm gonna help you."

"You've got some human blood for me?" she asked hopefully, innocently even.

"No," he told her.

"That's too bad," she hissed, running past him, searching for her next meal. Absolute vamp

Buffy was back.

Angel ran after her, and finally caught her.

"I'm sorry," he said, as he lunged at her, taking her down.

She squirmed beneath him, but it was no use. He had her down.

"Don't fight me on this one Buffy."

She tried to strike at him, but he was faster. Angel sent a hard blow to Buffy's temple,

knocking her out for a few moments.

Angel got up from on top of her and picked her up, carrying her back to the cabin in a

hurry.

He didn't know what side of Buffy he would see next, he couldn't take the chance that she

would run out and kill someone for blood, so he chained her up. It was the only thing he

could think of.

He looked at the blood on her hands, the blood that was previously on her lips. He decided

to be kind and wash it away for her.

He grabbed a cloth, and yet again, he began to clean her up.

"Wipe it away, Angel," Buffy whispered, opening her eyes. "Tell me that I'm having a

nightmare. Tell me that I'm gonna wake up," she said, actually crying now.

"I won't lie to you. This will get better, though," he told her, reaching out to touch her face.

She closed her eyes, when his hand met her skin. "It's good that you chained me up," she

said quietly.

"I had to," he told her. "I don't want you doing anything that's going to haunt you later on.

I don't want you to hurt anyone. I don't want _you_ to hurt, period."

"Kill me, please," Buffy begged.

"No," Angel answered.

"Please, Angel. Put me out of my misery. I want blood dammit. I was gonna drain that man

dry. Just kill me. I'm not right anymore. This isn't me. I can't control the urges. I can't keep

fighting. I'm not strong enough."

"Yes you can. You keep on fighting. You are strong enough."

"I was strong when I was the Slayer, Angel. Things were right when I was the Slayer.

Nothing is right now."

"You still are the Slayer. How do you think you're even managing to put up a fight against

the evil that's trying to take over you. You are amazing. Do you hear me?"

"Angel, get me something, please. I'm so hungry. If you won't kill me, you need to feed me,

please."

"Here," Angel said, moving closer, offering his neck to her. "This'll hold you off till Willow

gets here. It's not the same as human, but it'll help."

"Willow? Oh my God. How the hell is she gonna look at me?" Buffy asked, fresh tears rolling

down her face.

"She already knows, Buffy," Angel told her gently.

"I called her when I found you... I knew they turned you. She's gonna ensoul you."

Buffy nodded her head slowly. "Okay," she said quietly. "...Will I hurt you, if I drink?" she

asked him.

"It doesn't matter. You won't do any lasting damage. Just drink... We'll be half-way to

even," Angel said, trying to joke.

Buffy pulled him closer, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Thank you," she said, just

before biting down.

He felt tears on his neck, her tears. She was drinking and crying.

"It's okay," he whispered, as she drank. "It's okay."

He wasn't in pain. This wasn't hurting him. That's what made it easier to wrap his arms

around her. He held her as she drank. "It'll be okay."

She didn't know how much time had passed, but Buffy finally pushed herself away from

Angel's neck.

"Feel better?" he asked her.

"Yes and no," she replied.

"Anybody home?" someone asked.

"Willow!" Buffy and Angel said in unison.

"I'm here," Willow said, uneasily. "I'm so sorry it took this long. Someone was trying to

make sure I didn't get back here." Willow looked over at Buffy, and didn't fight the tears

that started to flow.

"Hey witchy one," Buffy said, laughing sadly.

Willow ran at Buffy, and wrapped her arms around her. "You're still you," she whispered.

"Sometimes," Buffy answered, doing what she could in the chains, to hug her friend back.

All of a sudden Buffy felt a change about to occur, and shoved Willow away immediately,

sending her to the ground.

"This is the new me," Buffy said, in a tone Willow had never before heard. "You look

yummy, Will. Why don't you come back over here, and make little old me feel better," she

grinned wickedly.

Willow turned to Angel. "What's going on? She just shoved me away and now she wants to

eat me?"

"She's fighting, Willow. The Slayer in her is fighting against what she's supposed to become.

It's our Buffy and then sometimes it's not. You need to do the spell now," Angel said.

"Angel, baby, come back over here. If I can't have some of Red, I'll take some more of you.

You were tasty. Then we'll be even. Two feedings for two feedings," Buffy snickered.

"Now, Willow. Do the spell now."

Willow couldn't help but just stare at Buffy.

"Angel, come on. No fair. You won't even let me have another taste, after I came all this

way for you... This is your fault, you know. The least you could do is keep me from starving,

dammit!" she screamed.

"It is my fault," Angel muttered.

Willow picked up her spell book and began to chant. Angel stood in absolute silence, while

Buffy screamed obscenities.


	8. Chapter 8

oooooooo Review and enjoy!

Angel had left to go to the butcher shop. He needed to get fresh blood for Buffy.

Willow's spell had worked. As soon as she had finished the spell, Buffy sort of collapsed in

the chains. Angel brought Buffy to his bed and let her lie down. Willow sat with her and

nervously watched her sleep until Buffy stirred again.

"Will," Buffy whispered.

"Hey you," Willow said, voice quivering a bit. She was a bit freaked out.

"I'm so sorry," Buffy said, beginning to cry.

When Willow saw the tears and heard the pain in her friend's voice, she pushed her fear aside.

She needed to help Buffy get through this.

"Shh. It's okay. You didn't hurt me," Willow said, coming to sit on the bed with Buffy.

"Please forgive me," Buffy repeated.

Willow leaned over and hugged her best friend. She didn't hesitate this time.

"There's nothing to forgive. It's alright," she said, crying too, now.

"I was gonna go after a little boy earlier today," Buffy said, looking straight into Willow's

eyes. "Something happened inside me, and I told him to run before I could hurt him."

"See," Willow smiled. "That was a good thing.," she said, wiping her eyes.

"I didn't touch him, but I did get an older man. I couldn't help it... I bit him. I dr- drank

from him, Will," Buffy said, deeply ashamed. "I think I could have killed him if Angel didn't

stop me."

"You didn't kill anyone," Willow whispered to her, rubbing her back. "It wasn't your fault.

You didn't even have your soul Buffy. It's okay now," she comforted.

Buffy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "So Will, what do you think?"

"What's to think about? You're still my best friend, and you're here. That's all I care about,"

Willow said, trying to put on a big smile, trying to forget the tragedy.

"There was more than twenty of them. I mean I'm good, but even I couldn't take on that

many vamps at once. One of them said that me and Angel had ruined their life, and now

they were all gonna ruin ours... They didn't lie... Oh God, how am I gonna tell Giles- and

Faith too... I can't do it, Will... I need you to do it for me, please. I know that it's asking

a lot, and I know that you're still trying to let the fact that I'm actually _like this_, sink in, but I can't

do it. I can't face them yet. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to live like this."

"He'll teach you... Angel will help you," Willow reassured Buffy.

"Did I actually tell him it was his fault that this happened to me?" Buffy asked nervously.

"Yeah," Willow told her honestly.

Buffy shook her head, sadly.

"It wasn't his fault. I decided by myself to come here. I decided I was ready to find him and

tell him that I wanted to be with him... This is a punishment or something, you know,

like the universe telling me "Hey you think it's your time to be happy with Angel? Well it's

not, now your gonna get bitten."

"The universe didn't tell you anything. This happened because you and Angel pissed off the

wrong vamps and this is their revenge on you. But it's not gonna work, if you don't let it... I

think they turned you in the hopes that Angel would kill you in order to save people and then hate himself forever.

Well that and the fact that turning the Slayer into a Vampire is a big and potentially bad

deal... But they were wrong on both counts. You've got your soul, Buffy. They don't have to

win."

"I'm scared, Will," Buffy admitted.

"I know. It'll all be okay, though," Willow said kindly, slowly starting to believe the words herself.

"I love you, Will. So much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I love you too. Always, Always, Always," Willow smiled. Things would be okay eventually, not normal, but okay. This was still her best friend.

"I want you to stay here for awhile."

"Whatever you want, Buffy," Willow winked.

"But I think I'm going to need you to go. And I think _you're_ going to need you to go. You need your own time to deal with this. You've been an angel for staying with me, for

still being my friend. But I know I need to give you your space right now."

"It's gonna take a bit of getting used to Buffy, I wont lie. But I don't need space from you. Just a bit of thinking time," Willow smiled.

"Thank you for saving me," Buffy said, taking her friend's hand.

"That's what you and me do, right? We save each other," the redhead replied, squeezing

Buffy's hand in return.

"You let me know when you're ready to come back. Take whatever time you need. I'll deal

with everyone back in Rome... I'm gonna head off now. I'm gonna leave you two alone,"

Willow said, giving Buffy one last hug, as Angel came back in.

Willow pulled Angel aside, before she headed out the door.

"Normally, I'd be smacking anyone who'd say this, but, you'd better take care of her. She

needs you now."

"Don't worry. I'll take care of her," Angel promised.

"Good man," Willow said, flashing him a smile, as she finally walked out the door.

"Here," Angel said, passing the jar of blood from the butcher shop, to Buffy.

"Thank you," she said, not looking at him.

"You okay?" Angel asked her.

"I feel horrible. I know it could have been worse, but I still can't stand what I did do. It's

constantly replaying in my head, Angel... That man's face won't leave me. He was so scared... I

think I finally understand how you felt when you got your soul back. Except it must have

been a million times worse for you."

"I'm sorry you're hurting."

"I'm sorry for what I said to you, before," Buffy said, quietly.

"Don't worry about it," Angel told her.

"I do, though, worry... What happened to me wasn't your fault, and I'm sorry for saying such a

stupid thing. I came here of my own free will. You're not responsible for anything that

happened."

"Why exactly did you come?" Angel asked.

"To see you, to tell you something," Buffy whispered.

"How did you find me?"

"I got your postcard, so I knew you were in Ireland. I just guessed that you'd be here. I

figured you'd want to see your home again... So I hopped on a plane and then I got a ride

here. I found a lady who knew the place on the postcard. She gave me directions, and I

followed them... You know the rest... The one who- the one who... turned me. Is he dead?"

Buffy asked, holding back her tears.

"I killed him... Most of them just ran off and laughed. Didn't even bother to fight."

"Why would they? They did what they set out to do. There was no need to stick around."

"You know why they did it?" Angel asked in awe.

"Apparently you and me ruined one of their lives, and they set out to ruin ours. End of

story. End of Buffy... Anyway, that doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done... I'm

gonna need to stay here with you for awhile if you don't mind. I'm gonna need you to help

me adjust," she said, sounding almost robotic.

"Of course I don't mind. You're definitely staying here. I wasn't gonna let you leave

anyway... Buffy, you need to drink what I brought you from the butcher's. You're gonna

need to drink a lot because this is so new for you. With time you won't need it so much."

Buffy just nodded her head.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"What?"

"You said that had something to say to me, before," Angel said.

"Never mind that."

"You said you came all this way to tell me something. I'm right here now, tell me."

"I said never mind," Buffy snapped at him.

"Okay," Angel said, giving up for the time being.

"So no more daylight strolls for me then, huh?" Buffy said sarcastically.

"No."

"No more enjoying food?"

"No," Angel told her.

"No more reflection," Buffy cursed.

"You never need to look at yourself. You're always beautiful," Angel said.

"Even now?" Buffy asked, sarcastically

"Of course," Angel complimented, gently.

"Hey, why don't you show me Galway?" Buffy said, quickly changing the subject.

"Whatever you want."


	9. Chapter 9

oooooooo Here's the new chapter. Let me know what you think.

"This place is beautiful," Buffy commented, as she walked down the streets of Galway with

Angel.

"I know it's been a really long time, but do you recognize any of these places, or are they all

new?" Buffy asked.

"There are some places that are older than me. But there's more new than old," he told her,

looking at her in a way she wasn't quite used to. He looked like he was nervous, maybe even upset.

They walked for a few more minutes without speaking, when suddenly Angel stopped walking.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked him.

Angel was silent. He just looked around for a minute.

"This is where Darla turned you, isn't it?" Buffy said, figuring out what was going on.

"It is... It's weird that I still remember exactly where it happened."

"I don't think it's weird," Buffy said quietly. "I'll never forget where I was changed or how,

or the face of the vamp that did it... I get how you can still remember. I really do," she said,

looking at the ground... I think I wanna go back to the cabin now, if you don't mind. I'm

kind of tired," she said, wanting to get away from him at the moment. She was getting emotional again

and she didn't like the way he was looking at her.

"No problem. We'll just go to the butcher's first. You need to drink. What we have at the cabin isn't enough."

"You still have those two jars at the cabin. We don't need anymore. I'm fine. I don't need anything.

I'm not gonna drink, and that's that," Buffy said, bursting out.

"Talk to me Buffy. Say what's on your mind. You can deny it, but I know that you're scared."

"I'm not scared of anything," she challenged, starting to walk away.

"You're going the wrong way."

"I'm going back to the cabin."

"We need to go to the butcher's first," Angel told her again.

"I'm not hungry," she said stubbornly.

"Buffy-"

"If you want to, you can go there, bring something back if you want, I don't care. I'm going

back to your place," Buffy said, running off.

Angel was worried about her. He wanted to go after her, but he knew she needed to drink.

He rushed off to the butcher shop and hurried back to the cabin.

He walked in and closed the door behind him. "What do you need me to do Buffy? What can

I do to make this better?" he asked, before even looking at her.

"Help me make this go away," she said.

Angel looked up. Buffy held a hot-poker from the fireplace to her neck.

"What the hell are you doing?" Angel yelled, grabbing the poker away from her, and

throwing it to the floor. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"At this point, dying doesn't seem like such a bad thing." Buffy said, without emotion.

Her neck was smoking.

"You're stronger than this, Buffy. And strong is fighting. You're going to have to fight

everyday to stay strong. You told me that once. Don't just give up now. I know this is hell for you,

trust me, I know how bad this is. But it happened, and now we have to deal. Let me help you."

"I could feel his damn mark there, the scar he gave me. The skin is all bumpy. It feels huge.

He marked me dammit, like I'm his. I want it gone," she said, voice quivering. "Can you still

see it?"

"Buffy-"

"Can you still see it?" she yelled.

"All I can see is a burn mark," he told her. "If you're in a dying mood and are trying to get

rid of all your scars, I think you have one on the other side of your neck, one from me. You

should get rid of that one too, before you kill yourself," he said, getting angry.

"Angel-" Buffy started.

"No-"

"I'm not trying to kill myself... And I'm not trying to burn your mark off me... That has

never bothered me, Angel. I _let_ you drink. I _made_ you drink from me. I put myself in your

hands because I loved you, and because I trusted you. I didn't love the son of a bitch who

turned me, and I sure as hell didn't trust him... He took what was mine and changed me. I

was the Slayer. Now I'm a vamp. That's _so_ messed up... My life has always been crazy, but

this, I don't know what to do... How can I _not _be the Slayer? Even saying that, how can I _be_

the Slayer, now? I got beat, Angel. I got beat in the worst way a Slayer could be beat. I was

made into what I pretty much kill for a living... And you know what? Yeah, I admit it. I'm

scared now, and I was scared out of my mind when he bit me. I knew I couldn't win that

fight. There were so many of them. I knew that either I was gonna die, or turn out like

this... I was scared," she said, quietly.

Angel pulled her to him, and hugged her. She felt the tears coming on. She didn't want him

to see her cry right now, and tried to move away from him.

"I'm not letting go," he told her. "And don't bother trying not to cry. This is me and you. No

hiding. It's okay. Let it out," he said, stroking her hair.

And so she did. She cried against his chest for almost five minutes before speaking again.

"I got your shirt all wet," she said.

"No biggie," he said, smiling at her.

"You know, when he bit me, I remember thinking, 'If he's gonna kill me, that's okay, just let

me die. Hurry up, get it over with'. Then I thought, 'Oh my God. I'm gonna be turned... If it

has to happen, let it be Angel. Angel would never make it hurt this much. Angel wouldn't

leave me lying here. Angel won't let me hurt anyone'... Please don't say anything. That wasn't said to

get a response. I just wanted you to know what was going on in my head.You told me to talk, I'm talking."

"Okay," Angel answered. He really didn't know what to say, looking at her sadly.

Buffy moved away from him slowly. "Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna start to get everything

together. No more moping and complaining. Tomorrow is the day for figuring things out."

"Before you say goodnight, or good morning, just drink what I brought you, okay? Believe

me, I know it feels weird, but you need blood now. You need it to stay strong," he told her

gently.

"I can't... I know that's not human blood, but I can't drink blood from a freakin' cup, like it's coffee.

No offence... I don't know how to explain it. I know what I am now, but that doesn't make the thought of

drinking blood any less terrifying, even if it isn't human. And the cup, I just can't explain it. It's just so

not normal... For you it is, you've been like this for ages, you've adjusted, I haven't."

"Buffy, I'm not kidding. You have to drink. I need you to drink. You can't go much longer without

blood, so please do me a favour, and just try to drink the stuff."

"Angel-" Buffy started.

"Okay, simple solution. No human blood, and you don't even have to have the animal blood for now. But you have to promise to drink what I offer you. Promise?"

"Okay. Promise," Buffy said, unsure. "But what is it? You said, not human blood or animal blood. What can I drink that's not blood?"

"I didn't say it wasn't blood. I just said it wasn't animal or human. Now drink, from me," Angel said. "Take your pick, wrist or neck."

"No Angel," she said, exasperated.

"You promised. You don't break promises. Just drink, please. You're gonna drive me insane. Just do it for me.

You're not gonna take care of yourself, then I will ... It doesn't hurt me, okay. Just drink," he told her.

She was gonna object, but then she shut her mouth. She was inconveniencing Angel enough as it was.

He felt horrible, and she didn't want to make him have more to worry about... And, she didn't want to

admit it, but she really was hungry. She was trying to fight it, but she needed something. And Angel's blood was something...

She remembered back to when she wasn't ensouled, when she drank from him. His blood tasted wonderful.

It was disgustingly good. She began to think back in amazement, to when she had let Angel drink her. She didn't know how he could have stopped.

She could have kept drinking from him even after she had pulled away, and that was only vamp blood. They say human blood is irresistable.

'Gross. Gross. Stupid blood. Gross,' Buffy cursed in her head. She was going to drive both herself and Angel nuts at this rate. 'Yummy blood. Nasty blood.'

Damn, Angel was right, she really did need to drink... She wouldn't be hurting anyone, it wasn't even from an animal, which she knew she would eventually need to get used to.

"Okay," she said. She put her hands on his shoulders, and then sunk her fangs into his neck.

It was a sweet escape for Buffy, the pain was vanishing, her head began to clear.

The hunger took over, and she drank. She was so hungry, that she had pushed Angel down onto the sofa.

Standing up was wasting a portion of the energy she needed to feed. She was practically sitting on him now, drinking.

'This is so good,' she thought.

As soon as that thought ran through her mind, something went off inside her. It wasn't right to think like that.

Slayers did not think like that.

She tore herself away from him so quickly, walking to the corner of the room that was farthest from Angel.

"I didn't want to stop," was all she said.

"It's only me. It doesn't matter. Take what you need," he said.

"I'm a monster," she said quietly.

"You're not... You're just _different _now."

"...Thanks for the uh... meal," she said awkwardly.

Angel tried to smile.

After a few minutes of silence, Buffy spoke.

"Can you pass me a pillow and blanket, please?" Buffy asked.

"Why?" he asked her.

"Because I kind of want to go to sleep. Maybe in the morning, I'll wake up and this will just be some nightmare" she answered.

"There's already blankets and a pillows on the bed. As for the nightmare, it's not going anywhere. I won't lie to you," he told her.

"I'm not taking your bed Angel."

"Yeah, like I'm actually gonna let you sleep on the couch. Just take my bed. I like the couch. It's very comfortable."

"Oh stop being a guy. Woman with power here," she said pointing at herself. "The couch

won't hurt me. Plus, you just said it was comfy," Buffy retorted stubbornly.

Angel just laughed. "I'm well aware that you are a woman with power. But you do not take

the couch," Angel said, lying down on the couch, claiming it as his.

"You're still as stubborn as ever," Buffy commented, laughing a bit. "Whatever, you win. I'm

too tired to battle for the couch... Where did you put my bag?" she asked.

"What bag?" Angel asked her.

"Oh come on, I didn't have a bag, when you found me?"

"No," Angel answered.

"Stupid jackasses. They even stole my damn clothes. I had weapons, clothes, and my

phone in that damn bag," Buffy cursed.

"I can give you something of mine to sleep in for now," Angel offered.

"Thanks," Buffy said.

Angel got up and went into his room.

Buffy closed her eyes and sent a message to Willow, asking her to bring her some clothes

tomorrow.

Angel came back with one of his shirts. He was a lot bigger than Buffy so his shirt would fit more

like a nightgown.

"Here you go," Angel said, passing the shirt to Buffy.

"Thank you," she said, taking the shirt, heading to the washroom to change.

Angel smiled when she came out of the bathroom. She looked adorable in his shirt.

"What?" she asked, getting into the bed.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. He was remembering them, how they used to be. He

remembered lying with her, and a lot more than that. "Goodnight," he said.

"Angel," Buffy said quietly.

"I'm sorry for being such a headache, and a bitch."

"You're not a headache. It's my job to help you with this. This is crazy for you. You can get away with being a bit bitchy."

"Would you just stay with me tonight? Lie with me?" she blurted out.

She didn't know what he was feeling, but she knew that he still cared, even if it was out of a feeling of obligation. Right now, at this

very moment she didn't care what he felt, as long as he cared, because she was scaring herself. She needed to feel something real beside her,

to help her deal with the reality that was her new life. Something real, and something she knew. Angel was both.

Angel got off the couch, and got into the bed.

"I'm allowed to be a wuss, once in awhile, right?" Buffy laughed.

"You're not a wuss," Angel told her. "You just want something familiar in the midst of all this

craziness. Come here," he said.

Buffy moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest. "Thanks," she said.

"Oh yes, because lying here with you is such hard work," he joked.

Buffy laughed. "You know what I mean."

"No worries," he told her. "Just sleep now. The sun's almost up."

"Night, Angel."

"Goodnight," he said, planting a kiss on her forehead.


	10. Chapter 10

oooooooo Here's another new chapter. Review and enjoy!

It was almost 4 in the afternoon according to the clock. He'd been awake for nearly two

hours already, just watching Buffy, but Angel didn't care. Buffy was still sleeping, and there

was no way he was going to move and wake her up. She was the most beautiful thing in the

world when she was sleeping. It was a secret privilege just to watch her while she slept.

He didn't know when she'd be leaving, so he had no desire to wake her up. Who knew how

many more chances there would be to watch her in her most peaceful state.

He wanted to know why she had come to Ireland in the first place, what she wanted to tell

him. At first he thought that she had come to tell him that she was ready, that she wanted

to be with him again. But now, he had no idea. She was hot and cold with him. He didn't

blame her at all for that, after everything that had happened, she was entitled to whatever

mood she wanted to be in.

One minute it seemed like she wanted him, then the next, it was like he was the last thing

she wanted to see.

Part of him thought that she was secretly mad at him for not getting there in time to rescue

her from the vamps. She would never admit it. She would never admit that she wanted

someone to rescue her, but he knew how crazy her life was. She was always defending

everyone else and saving lives, it was almost like hers didn't matter. She was tougher than

anyone he knew, including himself, but she shouldn't always have to be the one to fight.

Someone should be defending her once in awhile. It killed him that he couldn't have done

that for her, that he couldn't have saved her from more pain... that he wasn't the one to

change her, to give her that small bit of mercy.

He remembered her saying that she wished it was him who changed her. He would never

forget those words for so many reasons. One of those reasons was because he had actually

thought about her as a vamp. He never made any plans to change her, it was just a fleeting

thought. He could never do that to her. As deadly as her job may have been, and as scared

as she was for her life sometimes, she treasured her humanity, even her mortality. He

would never take that away from her, not unless she was dying, and not unless she asked

him to. When he had thought about Buffy as a vampire, it had been more of an 'imagine

that' scenario. He was thinking about her, how he knew he'd love her forever, and a flash

just passed through his head. 'Imagine actually being able to be with her _forever._' He had

quickly shoved that thought out of his mind, because the idea of her as a vampire was

wrong on so many levels, minus the possibility of eternity together, _if_ that's what she

wanted. She deserved light, and picnics, and the least amount of restrictions on her life as

possible. She didn't deserve extra pain, and that it was being turned had brought her, a

whole new load of pain... He was going to help her however he could, no matter what her

decision about them was. Whatever she wanted is what he would give her. And whatever

she would give him, he would take gratefully. Anything from her was a gift. Holding her, like

he had been all night was a treasure to Angel. She was the sign from whatever powers that

ruled the world, that maybe he wasn't just lowly scum, that some part of him was good,

that he too deserved some kind of happiness in his life. She was everything. She was pretty

much the only thing that mattered to him now.

Man, nobody could make Angel feel like she did. All he wanted was her.

It was after five when Buffy finally woke up.

"Hi," she said, almost shyly.

"Hey," Angel smiled.

"Thanks for being my pillow. You're quite comfy," she said, almost nervously.

"No problem," he said.

"Holy crap. It's almost 5. I've been sleeping for ages. I know you haven't been asleep this

long. You should have woke me up," Buffy said.

"Not a chance," he told her.

Buffy gave him a small smile, getting out of the bed.

To Angel's surprise, she headed to the kitchen, and came back with two cups full of red

liquid.

Before she had fallen asleep the night before, she had resolved that she would try to drink what was brought from the butcher's.

She couldn't deny what had happened to her. She had to live with it, whether she liked the way she would now have to live, or not.

"Breakfast," Buffy mumbled uneasily. "Bottom's up," she said, passing a cup to Angel, and

trying to gulp hers down as quickly as possible.

"When does this stop feeling so weird, Angel?" Buffy asked him, wiping her mouth.

"I don't know. It still feels weird to me sometimes," he told her honestly.

"When will I be at full strength?" she asked after a minute.

"Give it another day, and you'll be ready to kick ass again. You're gonna be strong

Buffy, stronger than ever. Vamp strength and Slayer strength. Nobody is gonna want to

screw with you."

"I want to be the Slayer; I don't want that to change. I thought about it before I fell asleep,

I need to be the Slayer, I guess I could only do it at night. Be a part-time Slayer. Half, a

Slayer... But how do I do that? How do I train all the new Slayers? Would they even trust me,

respect me?"

"I don't know how anyone could _not _respect you... Listen to me, even if you can't be

training your girls or fighting whatever big bad there is during the day, that doesn't make

you half a Slayer. You can train the girls at night. You can patrol at night like you always

did. During the day, when you're not sleeping, you can still be doing good. There's always

research to be done, and other things like that. You're Slayer life is not over, Buffy, I

promise. If you still want to help, there's plenty of opportunity," Angel said, encouragingly.

"You make a girl believe, Angel. And right now, making me believe is a good start to getting

back to some kind of life."

"Glad to be of assistance," he grinned.

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever think about starting up something like Angel Investigations, again?" Buffy

asked.

"Sometimes. But it's hard, you know. I used to have friends with me. The idea of doing it

alone, isn't as appealing."

"Yeah, I guess," Buffy replied. "You know, maybe-"

Before Buffy could finish her sentence Willow popped in the room.

"I come bearing clothes," she said, throwing a full bag at Buffy.

"Thank you," Buffy said.

"No problem," Willow replied.

"I guess I can change now," Buffy said, heading to the washroom.

Willow turned to Angel and grinned.

"What?" he asked.

"She seems better than yesterday, and so do you. She looks cute in your shirt by the way."

"If you're hinting at what I think you're hinting at, nothing happened... First of all, I don't

know what she wants, and second of all, did you forget about the curse, or curses, as it

would be now?" Angel said quietly.

Willow was being more serious now. "I was just teasing. But you know what, I don't think

you'd need to worry so much about that curse," she told him.

"Why? What do you know about the curse, has something changed?"

"No, it's still the same curse, but-"

Buffy came back from the washroom and handed Angel his shirt back. "Thanks for sharing,"

she said.

"Anytime."

"How are you?" Willow asked gently.

"I'll be okay, I promise," Buffy said. "I'm getting there, slowly. Anyway, do not worry about me. Go get back to doing whatever you were doing."

"I've been helping Oz, and I told him I'd be back," Willow said with a smile.

"I bet he's happy to be seeing so much of you lately," Buffy grinned.

"What's that grin for?" Willow asked with a grin of her own.

"Oh nothing," Buffy said innocently. "You two are just adorable. You need to get back with

that boy. I know a lot's happened, but you know he still loves you. And I know that you

never stopped loving him. A part of you always did."

"Oh Buffy. You and I are really good at giving advice, but not so good at taking it," Willow

replied.

"Okay, Okay," Buffy said, backing down, not wanting to get into a discussion about her and

love right now.

"You know who I do love Buffy?"

"Who?" Buffy asked dramatically.

"You," Willow laughed.

"And I, you, darling," Buffy said, blowing her a kiss.

"Bye guys," Willow laughed, popping out of the house, just as quickly as she popped in.

"Were you going to say something before Willow got here?" Angel asked her.

"Never mind that now. It's fine," Buffy said, losing her nerve.

There were so many things she wanted to say to Angel, one of them was about them

possibly working together, another one was typical Buffy and Angel stuff, but she kept

losing whatever nerve she managed to build up.

'Tomorrow,' she thought to herself. 'Tomorrow maybe I'll find my guts and use them.

Tomorrow I'll talk to him... Maybe.'


	11. Chapter 11

ooooooooo This is the second last chapter. Review and enjoy.

Tomorrow had come, and Buffy decided there would be no talking.

For once, Buffy had woken up before Angel. She watched him sleep for a few minutes. He

looked really peaceful. Buffy smiled sadly before quietly getting up.

If she still had a beating heart, it would be breaking right now. She was leaving.

She had thought a lot the night before. She'd made up her mind to leave. She concluded that

she wasn't supposed to be with Angel. Willow may have said that her being turned wasn't a

sign that she and Angel weren't meant to be together, but Buffy wasn't buying it... Out of all the

possibilities, she got turned on her way to seeing Angel, to tell him that she wanted him back.

That was no coincidence. It was a sign, it was a message, from a higher power that Buffy was

not going to get what she wanted. She wasn't going to get to be happy... There was that, but

there was also Buffy's own uncertainty of Angel's feelings. He had been so good to her. He took

care of her, and he had comforted her. But she felt like something was different on his part.

She noticed that he had looked disappointed a lot lately, almost always while looking at her...

Buffy didn't question that he cared, not for a second. But she felt like his old feeling s were

gone, or at least different. Something changed in the way he looked at her, something must

have changed in the way he felt. She wasn't going to stay around and make him feel

obligated to be with her. Buffy was too late. She had made him wait, and this was her

punishment... And it _was _punishment. She wanted him so much, even after everything they

had been through, all the previous heartache and pain. If it was possible, she felt like she loved

Angel even more than she had before, and now she wasn't going to get to be with him.

She grabbed a pad of paper, and scrawled out a short note. _Thank you for everything. Thanks _

_for__ keeping me from going insane. I won't forget what you did for me. I'm __gonna__ give you a _

_break__ now. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. Take care of yourself._

Buffy put the note next to the bed. She bent down and kissed Angel's forehead softly. "I love

you," she whispered.

And that was it. Buffy grabbed her bag of clothes and weapons and quietly headed out the door.

She was going back to Rome, to face the music. She didn't know what to expect but she needed

to get back into some kind of routine. She needed to feel useful, she needed to do good. She

needed to keep her mind off of Angel.

Buffy had promised herself one thing before she left Ireland. She was going to find as many of

those vamps that were involved in attacking her and turning her as possible, and she was gonna

take them out.

She wanted them to hurt. She wanted them to feel pain like she was, but she would settle for

them being dead, instead.

She remembered what Angel had said, about her being stronger than other vamps, and this

made her smile. She was gonna annihilate them. She was feeling strong.

Buffy grabbed a stake out of her bag, and gripped it tightly in her hands. She didn't know where

exactly she would find any of those guys, but she remembered their scents, and would use that

to track them down.

Buffy wasn't surprised when she tracked the scent to not far from where she was turned. They

weren't the ones who actually changed her, that guy was dead, thanks to Angel. But these guys

helped, and now they were gonna pay. There were only five of them, not even a quarter of the

total of vamps that were originally there, but Buffy didn't care. She'd take what she could get.

They were all just hanging out in the alleyway, laughing. 'Probably about me,' Buffy thought.

"Hi boys. Remember me?" she asked.

They turned towards her and looked shocked.

"You look surprised to see me," she said, in a falsely sweet voice.

"You're still alive," one mumbled.

"Well technically I think I'm un-dead, but hey, call it whatever you like. I'll give you that last

freedom before I kill you, as in _really dead_," she growled.

Buffy morphed into vamp face, and lunged at the group of 5, nothing but death and revenge on

her mind.

She snapped the neck of one of the vamps with such ease, it was kind of frightening, even to

herself. She quickly staked the next one, who attempted to land a blow to her temple. Another

one was now attempting to stake _her. _Buffy kicked this one hard, sending him flying, straight

into a sort of spike on the ground. He was dust within seconds.

This was too easy. Buffy wasn't even breaking a sweat. She grabbed another stake, and planted

one into each of the remaining two vampires.

That was it, they were gone. And Buffy didn't really feel better. She kind of felt worse actually.

She shook it off and picked her bag back up. She took one last look around. "Bye Angel," she

said quietly.

She began to walk, but was quickly stopped. Someone grabbed her arm, and spun her around.

It was Angel.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asked her.

"I... I thought you were still asleep," was all she could manage to say.

"What is this?" he asked her, showing her the note she left for him.

"I'm leaving," she said quietly.

"Why?" he asked her, somewhere between anger and sadness.

Buffy couldn't do this. He was supposed to be asleep. There was not supposed to be any

conversation. There was just supposed to be her leaving. No heart-wrenching talks, no

goodbyes.

"You were supposed to be asleep," she repeated. "I have to go."

"Why?" he asked her again.

"Because," she said.

She was crazy strong now, but Angel could still make her want to cry, even with the simplest of

words. But she wasn't going to cry, she couldn't. It was going to ruin her exit plan.

"That's not an answer," he told her, trying to remain calm.

"Yes it is. And that's the answer I'm sticking with," she said stubbornly.

"Real mature, Buffy," Angel commented.

And with that one comment, something came over Buffy, old memories came flooding back.

She needed to let everything out now.

"There you go, Mr. High and Mighty. It's always about me not being mature, right? We fight,

and I'm never the mature one. It's been like that since I was sixteen with you, Angel. I was never

mature enough, I never thought things through, but you know what? I grew up. I _did_ mature,"

she told him, emotion beginning to rise.

The conversation had taken on a whole new twist, a whole new meaning.

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked, confused now.

"You left me before Prom even though I begged you to stay. Basically you said that you

weren't good for me, that in the long run, you leaving would be the best thing. I didn't

believe you, but I knew you were trying to do the right thing, to be the mature one, to think

with your head. So I accepted it, even though you tore my heart open. I cried my eyes out

for you, and then I told myself to stop, because I knew you wouldn't want me to cry. I did

the mature thing. I saw you again, and you wanted to talk. I saw you and I wanted you

again, but I kept my cool, I tried to be distant, tried to stay mature, and it worked for a

little while... Then you came to Prom and I loved you so much for it. You came to give me

my perfect high school moment, and then you went away again. It was cruel _and_ kind. You

kept popping in and out, and my emotions were going wild. But I held fast. I stayed mature."

"Buffy-"

"I'm doing the talking now, not you... Then you get shot with an arrow, and I really start to

lose it. Faith was all psycho and I was gonna kill her for you. I was gonna _kill_ her so that

you could have her blood, so that you wouldn't die... I knew that you would still leave, even

if I did get you her blood... But it didn't work, I didn't kill her. I didn't get her blood... No

way in hell was I gonna let you die, so I come back, and I see you. You were lying in that

bed, so close to death, but your face lit up a bit when you saw me... Anyway, I had my mind

made up before I got there. I was gonna be the one to save you. I was gonna give you my

blood and trust that you wouldn't kill me-"

"Buffy-"

"Please, just be quiet. I'm on a roll here, Angel," Buffy said, continuing. "So I got you up

and I made you drink. It was hard to control yourself. I knew my blood was driving you

crazy. I could tell you were trying not to hurt me, and honestly, you didn't really. I can tell

you this now, because I'm a vamp, and not really a proper Slayer... It felt, not good, because

that sounds kind of creepy, but, it was like beautiful relief. I felt everything leaving me, the

stress, the worries, the sadness. In a way, it was beautiful. You held my head in your hand,

you didn't let it touch the ground. I was saving you and you were taking care of me... The

next thing I know, I'm lying in a hospital bed, and you weren't there... I know the sun was

coming up, so I wasn't mad about that, especially since I know you brought me to the

hospital... I remember thinking 'Holy crap. That actually just happened. I let him drink me. I

made him drink from me. And I'm still alive. He really does love me. There's no way he's

just going to leave now. He _can't_, not after that. That was intimacy and connection on a

whole new level. He can't just do that and leave, not right away... But you did. When you

saw me, you asked how I was doing. I remember that I told you I healed fast, like you.

Then you told me that you weren't gonna say goodbye, that you were just gonna leave, if

we survived the Ascension," Buffy said, tears in her eyes now. "I couldn't believe it. It was

like you stabbed me in the heart... But did I cry when you told me that? Did I make a scene?"

She asked Angel, angry, sad, and calm at the same time.

"No. You didn't," Angel answered, feeling disgustingly guilty for things that had happened a

long time ago.

"I was mature. I did it for you, and me too, this time. We had a war to fight, and there was

no time for our personal bullshit, even though I was mad and hurt. Honestly, there was no

more energy for it... So we fought our own little war at the high school. I was still mad at you while

we were screwing up the Mayor's Ascension, but somewhere in the middle

of it, I stopped being mad. Partly because I shouldn't have been thinking about that stuff

while we were trying to take down the Mayor, and because I was just happy that I did

manage to save you, and because no matter what you really did, you proved to me

countless times, that you loved me... When it was all done, and I saw you through the

smoke, that last look, I could tell that you didn't really want to go, but you still thought that

it was the best thing. Those few seconds had me doing a lot of thinking. You didn't leave

right away to be cruel. I thought that maybe you were ashamed of what had happened...

With that last look, all the anger was gone. I wished you well, and I knew still, that I could

never stop loving you, _ever_. But I had to begin to say goodbye to you, to tell myself that

you really were leaving, and not coming back. Because if I didn't do that for myself, I was

probably going to go crazy. Another mature thing I did."

"Damn anyone who tells you that you aren't mature," Angel said, not really knowing what to

tell her at this point.

Buffy laughed, wiping her eyes now. "Sorry, after the first few times, I just kept throwing

that word in there to be a bitch... My rant has a point, besides to remind you how mature

I've become. And now that I've started I have to let everything out. I need to say everything I

have on the inside, before I lose my nerve again."

"I'm listening."

"You might want to sit down. I have a lot to say."


	12. Chapter 12

oooooooo Here's the last chapter. Hope you like it. Review please!

Angel had convinced Buffy to come back to the cabin, at least just to finish what she

had to tell him.

"I remember when Xander opened his big mouth at Thanksgiving and blurted out

that you had been in Sunnydale... I was so mad at you, but you already now that,

from when I came to find you in L.A... I remember thinking that I was being tested

or punished in some way, just to see how much I could take. Things were starting

to make some sense, you know.There was a guy I liked, I was starting to move on,

like you wanted me too. I wasn't over you, God knows I didn't forget you. But it was

easier to try to make a new life when you weren't there. I had you with me in my thoughts,

in my heart, but I didn't have to see you, that's what made it bearable to move on. But

then I saw you, and you screwed me upagain, Angel... I knew you came to help me,

and I was grateful that you were still looking out for me, but for you to come back to

Sunnydale and stir up all my emotions again, just to have us end up the way we did at

Graduation, with us not being together, wasn't fair, because in a way, I was still waiting

for you. I remember I left your office that day, and we didn't part on the best of terms.

But it was like that didn't matter at all, because a couple of months later I flew my ass

to L.A. to see you so fast, to make sure you were alright. I gave up on the whole not

seeing you thing. I thought that Faith was coming to take you out... I remember getting

to your place, and I saw you holding Faith... Oh Angel, I don't even know how to

describe the anger that I was feeling and the jealousy, too. Yep, I was jealous that

she was in your arms, and this is when I was with Riley! I wanted to kick her ass

before I saw all that because of what had happened between her and me in

Sunnydale, and what she had done to my mom, not to mention Riley, but add on

seeing you with her like that, and I wanted to hurt her even more... I remember giving

you hell, and I remember you basically telling me off, too. You pretty much told me what

I had told you the day after Thanksgiving... I left there, and I was so upset about what had

happened between us. I was mad at you, big time. But I felt worse about how mad you were

at me. You were the only thing I thought about all the way home... I even brushed Riley

off when I got back, and that was wrong. I was with Riley, yet it was still all about you.

That boy loved me so much. I remember getting back into my dorm, and I decided that I

was going to try not to think about you, just to keep myself sane, and then who shows up

at my door? You. You show up and then so does Riley. Oh yes that was real fun. The

guy who I never got over in the same room with the guy I was dating... Anyway, then

you had to go and make me not mad at you anymore, with your coming all the way

back to Sunnydale to apologize to me... I'll tell you now, because it doesn't matter.

I told you that it would probably be best if you left that day, but I didn't want you to

go. I wanted you to stay. But that was bad, for Riley. I was with him, and I needed

to reassure him of that, and I needed to reassure myself that I loved him. It's really

bad to say, but I couldn't do that with you there, so I sent you away. I think you

know that, too. But it was a good goodbye. There was less hurt and no anger this

time... There was still a longing for you, it never went away, but I wasn't mad this time.

I still loved you, but I knew that I was with Riley."

Angel just sat, listening to everything she was saying. There were things that he wanted

to say, but he knew that she needed to let everything out now, because she was getting to

a point, so he kept his mouth shut and let her talk.

"The next time I saw you after that was nearly a year later, just after my mom had died.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so scared. My world just came crashing

down. I was miserable... I stood there in the graveyard, just staring at the tombstone,

for God knows how long, and then I felt you. I didn't even see you, but I knew it was you

who had come, and I put my hand in yours, without any hesitation, because at a time like

that, even if we weren't together, it was only fitting that you would be there with me. It was

only right... You stayed with me for hours, just sitting under that tree, and you were making

some of my pain go away. Then you offered to stay in town as long as I needed you. And I

could tell that you meant it. You would have stayed if I asked you to. And with that, I knew

you still loved me. Just as much as ever. I remember thinking 'Okay, not everything in my life

has just changed. Something is still the same. Something is still good. Angel still loves me,

and I still love him,' and then I kissed you. I needed that, but it also made me realize that I

couldn't let you stay, because if you did, I wouldn't deal with mom's death, I would just be

focusing my sadness elsewhere, somewhere that was happy. I couldn't let you stay. I needed

to be strong, and you helped me realize that. You helped me so much that night. _You _were

the reason I made it through the night... After that, I first saw you after Willow and my gang

brought me back from the dead... That visit was intense. I wasn't really even me. I was feeling

so numb. I didn't want to be back here. I wanted to be in the peaceful place I was. But I wasn't

there, I was here on Earth, where the pain was. My house was kind of falling apart, I had to

play mother to Dawn, I had to pretend to be happy. Seeing you that day was really bad

because it brought back the memory I only received when I died. When I died, I saw the

day you let the Oracles take back. I was pissed off as it was. Life was horrible, then I had

to go remembering that one perfect day, the one you never let happen because they told you

I would probably die. It made me resent being back even more... I was in no pain, and then I

was here, and it was all hell. I was happy and sad to see you that day. I remember the look

on your face when you saw me, it was a look that would make any girl feel like gold. But not

for me on that day, there was already too much pain, and seeing you just added onto it. I'm

sorry for that day, I wasn't so nice."

"Don't worry about it," Angel told her gently.

"That brings us to the Sunnydale Apocalypse. You showed up out of nowhere, and I was _so_

happy to see you, hence the big hello kiss."

"It was a very nice hello," Angel smiled.

Buffy laughed a bit. "Inevitably though, everything got serious. I told you I needed you to leave,

and you were right when you said it had something to do with Spike. But he wasn't the only

reason. He deserved the chance to be a hero, he came such a long way Angel. He became

good. He did a lot of good. I had used him so much in the past And I couldn't give that

chance to someone else, not even you. I owed him. There was also the fact that I wanted

you alive. The best way to keep you alive was for you not to be in Sunnydale... After I

gave you my whole cookie speech and you had asked me if I knew who I'd pick when

I was ready, and I told you I wasn't thinking that far ahead, I meant it. So much had happened

in my life, so much was going on in the world. I _needed_ time for myself. Guy-free time. I just

wanted you to know that I wasn't saying no to you. I was saying I needed to figure my life out.

And when I told you that sometimes I did think ahead, I meant that too. Because after all the

time had passed, I still thought about you and me, and it made me happy to know that you did

too. You seemed ready to be with me, like you'd given up on the us not being together for my

own good crap... It was funny, you had finally come around, and I wasn't ready for you. I wanted

to be ready but I wasn't. I made you wait... Now look at us, not quite two years later...So I suppose

you're still wondering why I came here to find you, right?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah."

"I want to ask you something first. And I want you to answer me honestly... How do you feel about

me now, like what do think about me being vamped out?"

"It's- I don't know... Mostly I feel bad because I see how you're hurting... I know it came at

a big price, but I'm happy to see you still standing in front of me, and not in the ground. I'm

sorry for your pain."

"Okay... Well that's that. Now here's my part...I'd been thinking about you _a lot, _like about me

and you, and then I got your postcard. I got your postcard and I decided it was time for me to

find you... After everything we had gone through, after everything I just mentioned, I was ready

to be with you again. I came here and I was going to tell you that I was ready.

"Buffy-"

"Please let me finish before you say _anything_ else... So I came here, all happy and excited

and then that creepy bastard sired me. Everything changed so fast, how I lived, what I ate,

and the way you looked at me changed too. You acted different around me. I thought you

didn't feel the same way about me anymore.You looked disappointed when you would

look at me most of the time, like I did something wrong."

"Is that why you were gonna leave?" Angel asked.

"That's part of it-"

"Hey," Angel said. "You didn't do anything wrong. Don't think for a second that you did.

And I've never been disappointed in you," he told her.

"Then what's with the sadness?"

"I looked disappointed and sad when I looked at you because all I could see there was how

I _didn't _save you. I was mad at me, never you. Never you, Buffy."

Buffy nodded her head silently.

"What was the other part?"

"I got turned on my way to see you... That was some kind of sign, Angel-"

"It might have been a sign, but it wasn't a sign for you to leave. It wasn't a

sign that we're not supposed to be together."

"How do you know, Angel?" she asked him.

"Because I do, Buffy. I know that we _are _supposed to be together. People

don't go through everything that we have gone through, and wind up at the

end loving each other just as much as they had when they were together, if not

loving them even more. That's us. We're here and the feelings are here. How

can this be wrong now? You came here to be with me, then be with me. I didn't

ask for you to be turned, never wanted it to happen. But it did happen, and you

have to deal with it now... There is an upside to this, you know? It's only one,

but it's still an upside. A pretty big one at that."

"What's that?" She asked him with a shaky voice, starting to believe that maybe

Angel was right.

"If you still want me the same way I want you, we could have forever... We could

be eternal, if that's what you want...Even if that's not what you want, I have

something I want to ask you... If you'd let me come back to Rome with you, if you

wanted to, you and me could help people, you know, like I did before, with

Cordelia and the rest of my gang... And if you don't want that either, all I ask

is that you don't forget me, and that you come see me once in a while. Either

way, I want an answer, please. I don't want to wait anymore."

Buffy let the tears fall from her eyes as she took in everything Angel had said.

He still wanted her, and he didn't believe that her being turned was a bad sign.

Maybe he was right... He wanted to be with her _forever._

That was kind of beautiful.

Angel got off of the couch and began pacing back and forth.

Buffy got off of the couch too. "Stop pacing," she told him. "I don't want to wait

anymore either. Bring on forever."

He stopped and looked at her.

She grabbed him and kissed him, and he returned the kiss eagerly.

After awhile, she pulled away slowly.

She just looked at Angel and smiled, a real smile.

Before either of them knew what was going on, their clothes were being torn off by

the other, and they hit the bed.

"Curses," Buffy said suddenly, pulling back reluctantly.

Angel pulled away and said the same thing.

"Screw the curse," Buffy said suddenly.

"What?" Angel said, sitting up.

"Perfect happiness. I don't think we could be at that point again. There's been too much

tragedy in our lives. We've both lost so much... I don't think it's possible for absolute

happiness, even though this is pretty much as close as it gets. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think you're right," Angel said. "I know what you mean. Life can be good, and being

with you is always good-"

"The only thing better than being with you is being with you and having all our family and

friends here with us. That would perfect happiness. But this is pretty damn close," Buffy

said.

"Let's be happy, then," Angel said, pulling her back to him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy woke up happier than she had in a really long time.

She smiled as she looked beside her. For the second time, she had woken up before

Angel had.

He didn't stay sleeping very long, however. He was up within ten minutes.

"You make it really hard to watch you sleep, you know?" Buffy said, with a grin.

"I thought that was my thing," Angel laughed.

Buffy smiled back.

"Did you think about what I said before?"

"Which part?" Buffy asked.

Angel chuckled. "The part about you and me working together in Rome," he said.

"I think that's a really good idea, actually," she replied. "I actually thought about that

a couple days back."

"Yeah?" he said, smiling.

"Yeah."

"That's really good," Angel said happily. "We've got almost a week left here, but we

could leave now if you want," Angel told her.

"No. No. I'm happy to be going back to Rome. But I'm really happy here too. I'd like

to have a little bit more time, just me and you, before I go back and face the world."

"Good. I like that idea," Angel said.

"Thank you, Angel."

"For what?" he asked.

"For waiting for me. For helping me through this. For being here with me now," she told him.

"Anything for you," he said simply.

She leaned over and kissed him softly. "Good morning by the way."

"Good morning to you too."

"Hey," Buffy said excitedly. "You wanna fight?"

"Only you," Angel laughed. "Only you would say something like that."

"I'm feeling strong again," she said. "Now, is that a yes or a no? It would be good to train

with someone my own strength. All I've had to work with for the past couple months were

some really sucky slayers."

"Sure, what the hell," Angel grinned.

"Before I kick your ass, I just wanted to tell you something"

"Cocky aren't we?" Angel said, jokingly. "What did you want to say?"

"I know I said it yesterday, but I want to say it again... Thank you for taking care of me,

when I wouldn't take care of myself. That, and I love you. That's all," she said.

"Love you too," he said.

"Alright then, enough with the mush. I'm itching for a fight."

"I'll go easy on you," Angel joked.

"Haha, aren't you the funny one," she said, grabbing his cheek. "You'll go easy on me.

Yeah right," she said, kissing him, where she had just grabbed.

"Oh yeah, you're definitely back," Angel commented.

"We're back," she said, smiling. "Now let's go big guy, you promised me a fight."

"Whatever you want," was his simple reply. "Whatever you want."

THE END!!

Hope you liked it!!!!


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